How Cupid Ruined Rima's Life
by Cammie Fujisaki
Summary: Cupid is given the job of getting Rima and Nagihiko together, and, as always, things don't go quite as planned. One-shot.


**A/N: rated for language and sexual content (but no sex; mostly suggestive dialogue). There is some sexual harassment, but NONE of it is unwelcome in nature. **

To say the air between Nagihiko and Rima was awkward would be severely understated. Not only could you cut the tension with a knife, you could also cut the sexual tension. ;)

Oops, sorry. I forgot this was supposed to be a formal report on the mission. I'll try to hold my tongue from here on (and my emoticons).

Anyway, as I was saying, at this point anyone daring enough to venture towards the two could feel the temperature drop. One look into her eyes was enough to bring you to tears, she wore such a terrifying expression.

And I think we all know the reason she was so mad. Nagihiko. And her hate for him. And by hate I mean lust, the sexual desire burning at her loins.

Um, yeah anyway, as I was saying, she was mad. And part of her was mad because it was Valentine's day, and as you know Valentine's Day is all about love (and you know her problems with that: parents fought, super jaded, the whole "I'll never love" thing). The other part of her was mad because as much as she hated both Valentine's Day and love, she was now developing feelings for Nagihiko (well not if you asked her).

(Or maybe all that sexual frustration, the thoughts of throwing him to the ground and plowing him into oblivion were just too hard to handle).

But back to the matter at hand. Rima liked Nagihiko, Nagihiko liked Rima, and there was no way either one of them was even close to acting on their feelings. Which is where I come in.

Cupid, the Greek God of love. Or a flying baby in a diaper. Either way, he was me. Or rather I was him. After all, there's more than one cupid.

But that's besides the point. All you need to know is that I was sent here to finally get Rima to make a move on Nagihiko (for reasons it couldn't be the other way; no tampering was to be done with Nagihiko under any circumstances; something about trust or whatever). Typically to do this one would use the standard arrows, "love-xx" or "attraction-x" (More x's, more strength) or something like that. But heightened feelings of attraction just wouldn't cut it with this girl; she was much too stubborn.

...So I may have broken the rules a little bit and visited my buddy in arrow development. Now, it may be illegal to use unapproved arrows, but they had to have a test subject, right?

Well anyway I picked up some of the "lust-xx" and "libido-xx" arrow... okay I may have also grabbed some of the xxx string as well (only to be used in extreme cases with prior permission). But who could blame me? Mashiro Rima was an extreme case if I've ever seen one.

But back to the matter at hand.

It was currently Valentine's day, the night of the Seiyo High dance. The gym was decorated in a wide variety of pinks and reds, colors that made Rima incredibly angry. Although Amu and and the others were having a good time at least (she was dancing with Tadase, and Yaya was dragging Kairi, who had come over from the middle school, around). That Kukai kid had been hanging around, but then Utau had showed up and... my bet was they were screwing in a closet somewhere.

While their friends were having a great time, Rima and Nagihiko were not because, as I said, mad sexual tension and all that. Which is where my story begins as, if someone didn't do something, the two of them were just going to keep standing there all night. And for the next few months... years... you get the idea. If someone didn't jump-start them (and God knows their oblivious friends are useless for that) they would never get together.

And thus, my duties as cupid began. And what better day for them to get together than Valentine's day?

Although I had the libido-xxx arrows (which, knowing now, I would personally call super-horny-rated xxx) I decided to play it cool and start with the lunch branch. After all, why go to an extreme if it's not necessary? (although my supervisors would probably say unapproved lust arrows are an extreme... ehhh).

I loaded my quiver and- bam! Right in the ass! Ahahahaha, my shooting skills are the best!

Rima jumped with the shock of the arrow hitting her, and let out a small shriek.

"Rima-chan?" Nagihiko turned his head from where he has been watching Amu and Tadase dance absentmindedly. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched the pained look on Rima's face slowly fade away, to be replaced by a much softer one. "Are you alright?"

Rima looked dazed for a moment, before she sighed, a grin took over her face. Nagihiko took a step back at this, and with reasonable cause. After all, such a huge grin had probably never appeared on her face before.

"Oh yes I am, Nagi," Rima cooed, batting her eyelashes up at the boy.

Nagihiko's expression went from concerned to downright horrified, his mouth dropping open as he took another step back. "Rima-chan?"

"Yes?" she asked, the lovestruck grin still on her face. "Is something wrong?"

"No.. its just..." Nagihiko bit his lip and turned away, his cheeks a faint shade of pink. "You look happier than usual."

"Is that a bad thing?" Rima asked, still grinning like an idiot. Nagihiko looked even more taken aback at this.

"No..." he muttered, perhaps not quite sure how else he should respond.

And while he was busy trying to get his words sorted out, Rima's mind seemed to be busy as well. But unlike Nagihiko, whose mind was fully confused, her was more, well... aroused. They were lust arrows after all you guys.

And by the time Nagihiko was fully aware again, Rima was no longer grinning up at him. Instead, she was looking, well... lower.

"Rima-chan? What are you looking at?" He asked, glancing behind him briefly. Maybe she was watching something going on in the background (perhaps someone put the moves on Amu or something like that).

"Your dick," Rima replied smoothly.

"What?" Nagihiko squealed, whipping his head back around to Rima to see that she was, indeed, staring at where his junk was.

"I said your dick."

"What.. why?" He asked, his voice a little higher than usual.

"Because I'm wondering how big it is," she responded, as if it was nothing.

"Ahh, Rima-chan, are you sure you're okay? You're acting awfully strange..." Nagihiko said, much too quickly for him to be remaining calm at this moment. And his face was really red now.

"Yeah, I'm okay. A little horny though."

Nagihiko started coughing at this, drawing a few curious looks to him.

"What?" he choked out, once he was done coughing. "Why would you say something like that?"

"Why not?" Rima seemed to not find any problem with what she said, no doubt the result of the arrows. Ha ha, oh my god lust arrows are hilarious.

Okay, sorry.

"Well, that's just not something you say to a guy. I mean, someone could take it the wrong way."

"I'd like you to take me the wrong way."

"WHAT?!"

Rima smirked, reaching out to grab the belt loops of Nagihiko's pants as he gaped at her. She pulled him towards her (he was in too much of a shock to resist) and pressed her body up against her.

"RIMA!" he shrieked, not bothering with honorifics as his voice rose an octave. Finally sense overcame him and he pushed her away, stumbling backwards with a horrified look on his face. "What are you doing?"

But before she could respond a loud squeal broke off their conversation.

"Oh my God!" Amu shrieked, running at the two at full speed, "I always knew you two would hook up!"

"What? We're not hooking up!" Nagihiko spluttered, his face as red as ever, "I don't know whats happening! She just freaked out for some reason!"

"It looked like you two were getting very cozy," Tadase supplied, approaching the group at a much slower rate, the other two in tow. Amu nodded ferociously.

"Yeah, like you two were totally feeling each other up!" Amu shrieked, "I have condoms in my purse if you want some!"

Nagihiko's mouth dropped open at this, along with the others (besides Rima, who was yet again looking at Nagihiko's goods).

"No no no! My mom gave them to me! And I thought there might-"

But Nagihiko would never know what Amu thought, because at that moment Rima walked up to him and... stuck her tongue into his mouth.

No I swear I'm not making this up!

Nagihiko's eyes flew open even wider at this (if that was possible) and the others gasped loudly, Yaya letting out a shrill giggle. Of course Nagihiko's natural response was to pull back... okay maybe he didn't do that right away.

Actually he did kiss back for a moment. But then his sanity returned and he pulled back, but by that point Rima's arms were around his neck and she was holding him firmly in place.

And after a moment Nagihiko wondered if he truly did want to pull away, because damn did Rima's lips feel good on his. But then one of her arms left his neck, and he didn't even notice that until said hand grabbed his ass.

Then finally sense returned to him and he pulled away, jumping back with a small squeak.

"Damn!" Amu exclaimed, her eyes wide in either shock or excitement (probably a mixture of the two).

"What's gotten into Mashiro-san?" Tadase asked, an extremely confused look on his face.

"Eh? Maybe its the arrow in her butt!" Yaya exclaimed.

And at that point I lost it. Nobody was supposed to see the arrows. Was it because they weren't approved yet?

"What?" Rima asked, breaking out of her trance at long last to give Yaya an inquisitive look.

Amu's jaw dropped. "There's an arrow in your butt!"

Rima glanced back and raised her eyebrows. "Well that's odd."

"Wait, what kind of arrow is this anyway? Wouldn't it hurt to have an arrow sticking out of you?" Kairi asked, leaning forward to look at it.

"Here," Yaya replied, reaching down and yanking the arrow right from her.

...Before that point, I'd never seen someone do that before. Well, then again nobody was supposed to see the arrows anyway, and they'd just eventually fall out so it wasn't really an issue but... usually people had more caution when yanking a projectile out of their friends.

"Huh, the arrowhead is shaped like a heart," Tadase commented, as he took the arrow from Yaya and looked at it.

"Ha, maybe it's cupid's arrow," Amu giggled. Around her, the boys' faces darkened. She hesitated, before saying, "You don't think...?"

"Hey! That guy over there has arrows just like this!" Yaya exclaimed as she, you guessed it, pointed right at me.

And yes, this is the point where I broke all the laws of magical beings by allowing myself to be seen by mortals. But in my defense, I had no idea that character bearers, and even former character bearers, could see us.

"Let's go," Nagihiko cut in, his voice rather harsh, and he started walking straight at me. Wow. You think someone would be taken aback to find out that Cupid is real but no, he just got angry. Whatever then. Santa's not gonna give you a present this year.

Rima followed behind him quickly, and after a moment's hesitation so did the others.

For a moment I debated running away, but I don't think it would do anything. I'd have to come back to make sure my mission was completed anyway, and it would just cause me a lot of trouble with the higher-ups. So I braced for impact, and let Nagihiko charge right at me.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Nagihiko exclaimed, his expression furious. And even though I'm taller than him, I was kind of scared. "What the hell kind of arrow is that?"

"Well, just between us, that is a lust arrow and-"

"Wait wait wait what are you talking about?" Amu cut me off before I could explain, evidently very confused. "You're not trying to tell us you're actually Cupid are you?"

I nodded, but she just frowned. "The Cupid?"

"Well, technically there is more than one cupid but-"

"And you hit her with a lust arrow? What even is that?" Tadase asked.

"Well, exactly what is says. It increases the lust you have. Right now Rima's lust for Nagihiko has just increased two hundred percent. Oh, but all arrows greatly lower your inhibitions as well. The ending result is... that."

And at that point Rima was rubbing her hands underneath Nagihiko's shirt, and up his stomach. His face was still quite red, and he looked very uncomfortable with the current situation. But apparently he wasn't sure how to act yet again, so he was just trying to swat her hand away.

"You sure do have nice abs," Rima says matter-of-factly, ignoring Nagihiko's attempts to shake her off. "Can I lick them?"

"What? No!" Nagihiko shrieked, finally pushing Rima off of him.

"Hey, can I try you arrows?" Yaya suddenly asked, snatching my bow from my grasps.

"Hey! You give that back!" I exclaimed. Letting a mortal use my bow and arrows was definitely against the rules, and I didn't really want to deal with the paperwork that would come from that. Plus she could cause some serious trouble with that thing.

"Just one arrow please Cupid!?" Yaya whined, hugging the bow to her chest as I lunged for it.

"No!"

But next thing I know Yaya was ripping the arrows from my quiver. And which one did she grab?

You guessed it. Libido-xxx.

"Stop! Not that one!" And I would rip it from her hands but that bow is hella expensive and I don't want to break it.

I lunge at her but she fires it and I don't know who in the hell she was aiming at but it managed to hit Rima of all people.

Woo. (and yes, that is sarcasm).

"Oops sorry I didn't mean to hit her!" Yaya dropped the bow (whhhhyyyyy) and covered her hands with her mouth.

"Well whatever you meant to do," I reply, picking my poor bow and arrows off the ground, "You just hit her with a libido arrow."

All things considered, it really could have been worse. I mean, the arrow could have hit someone else, someone not destined to fall in love just yet. Or it could have hit her in the head, which is definitely a huge no-no. Or my bow could have broke and... well I don't have the money to fix that.

So really, it could have been worse... doesn't mean it couldn't have been better. 'Cause it could have... a lot better.

But yes, Rima, already with a hyped-up lust, was now experiencing the effects of a dangerously hyped-up libido, and by now all her inhibitions were gone.

Yes, it was just as bad as it sounds.

"Oh my God. What's going to happen now?" Nagihiko asked, tearing his eyes away from Rima to look at me.

And that was his first mistake. Because right as I was getting ready to answer Rima did something that made that no longer necessary; she showed him what was going to happen...

By sticking her hand down his pants.

"Ahhh-ohhhh!" Nagihiko exclaimed, his mouth dropping open as his face turned a violent shade of red.

Loud shrieks of "Oh my God!" filled the air from the surrounding teenagers (well, me as well) and Amu raced forward.

"No Rima no!" she screamed, grabbing the blonde and dragging her away desperately.

"Ow! Ow!" Nagihiko screamed, stumbling after them as Rima was still not letting go of his junk. "She's going to castrate me!"

Amu shrieked loudly, dropping Rima onto the floor.

Nagihiko hurriedly seized this opportunity of Rima's disorientation to pry himself from her grasp, taking five long strides before collapsing on the ground, hugging his knees to his stomach.

"Oh Jesus, oh my oh no no no no," he mumbled to himself, rocking back and forth slightly.

Rima picked herself off of the floor and, grinning madly, said, "It was bigger than I thought."

Nagihiko just let out a loud, sobbing sound and continued rocking.

"Um... we seem to be getting a lot of weird looks," Kairi cut in, glancing around at the group's surroundings.

"Oh! Maybe we should take these two out into the hall before something happens!" Tadase exclaimed.

Well I'm afraid something already happened, but whatever you want blondie. I have to follow these kids around wherever they are.

Kairi and Tadase eventually persuaded Nagihiko to get off of the floor, and Amu and and Yaya kept Rima back from him as they followed the boys from the room. They got a lot of weird looks as they left, and I swear if I wasn't on duty I would have dropped to the ground and started laughing right then and there.

We all exited the gym, and as we did so (making sure to keep Rima as far away from Nagihiko as possible) there was the sound of a door opening, and the group turned to see Kukai and Utau exiting a closet. Ha. I told you they were screwing somewhere.

"What were you doing in the closet?" Yaya asked, a confused expression on her face.

Kukai coughed, visibly uncomfortable at getting found out, but Utau just said, "None of your business."

Instead she walked to the group and gave Rima an odd look. "But I think Rima needs to find a closet of her own. She seems pretty wound up."

"She just stuck her hand down Nagi's pants!" Yaya supplied, a little bit loudly.

Utau coughed, taken aback. "She what?"

"It's his fault!" Nagihiko exclaimed, pointing right at, well, who do you think?

Utau turned to me, a frown on her face. "Yeah speaking of him, who is this guy?"

"I'm Cupid," I replied, not bothering to give her my actual name. Utau nodded.

"Hm. I didn't think Cupid would be so hot."

"What?!" Kukai exclaimed.

Ha! Utau Hoshina called me hot!

Nagihiko exclaimed. "He hit her with some funky lust and libido arrows-"

"Hey, princess! That libido arrow was completely Yaya's fault!"

"And now she's crazy horny and touching me everywhere!"

"I don't see what the problem is," Utau replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Seriously, we all know you're hot for her. Why don't you just take her into a closet and fuck her? That would surely solve this problem."

"But she's not thinking rationally right now! I don't want her to do something she's gonna regret!" Nagihiko insisted.

"I'd never regret fucking you, not with that dick," Rima said, but Nagihiko ignored her (well, except for the blush returning to his face).

"The arrows don't create feelings, they just increase the intensity of feelings that are already there, as well as lower the subjects ambitions," I supplied, "She wouldn't be doing anything she's never thought about doing before."

"But that doesn't mean she actually wants to do any of this!" Nagihiko insisted.

"Damn. You really love her don't you?" Kukai said, a little surprised.

Nagihiko hesitated, before nodding slowly, dropping his gaze.

"Oh wow that's hot," Utau said, earning a shriek from Kukai.

"I told you I wouldn't regret fucking you," Rima said again, but again she was ignored. "I love you too."

Nagihiko looked up finally, a somewhat hopeful look on his face.

"And I love your dick."

"I need a break. Keep her here," Nagihiko sighed, turning around and going back into the gym.

Everyone watched him leave, and there was a brief moment of silence (it wasn't anything dramatic though, I think they were just all still in shock).

"She's seemed to have calmed down a bit... maybe the arrows are starting to wear off," Kairi noted.

"Yeah, I mean she's not really trying to do anything anymore... maybe she is starting to go back to normal," Amu replied, letting go of her grip on Rima's arm.

But the universe insists on making things hard on me (maybe cause I break the rules) so at that moment my phone went off.

I pulled it out and read the text that I wish had come five minutes earlier. "libido arrows are crazy. Effects seem to wear off but come back tenfold. Completely dominate the subject. Don't use them. VERY dangerous."

"Uh, you guys..."

But my warning came too late, as Rima suddenly bolted from Amu's arms and back into the gym.

"Oh shit!" Amu screamed, running after her.

The others took off after them and, sighing, I did too. I suppose I deserved this for breaking the rules, but running really isn't my forte.

Upon entering the gym, I immediately knew I would be doing a _lot_ of paperwork on this case. Because just as I walked into the room Rima jumped into Nagihiko and knocked him to the floor.

"Holy shit!" Kukai screamed. And well, that was basically what I was screaming internally.

We rushed over towards the two teenagers, currently wrestling on the floor. Well, Nagihiko was trying to wrestle Rima off of him. Rima was trying to wrestle... well, Nagihiko's clothes off.

"Think about what you're doing Rima! You don't want to do this!"

"All I want it you!"

"Fuck fuck fuck," I muttered under my breath, racing at the two.

"Stop Mashiro!" Kukai yelled, grabbing onto Rima's arms and attempting to pull her off Nagihiko.

"No!" she screamed back grabbing Nagihiko's shirt.

"Rima! Rima stop!"

"Oh my god!"

"What in the hell?"

Everyone was starting to get really suspicious now, and I had to act fast before the scene got even more serious. Glancing around, I saw an empty chair and picked it up, wielding it over my head. "Everyone calm down!"

"Ahhh the chairs floating!" A random girl screamed. The area around me has never cleared so fast.

Yeah, I may have forgotten that I wasn't visible to average mortals. Oops.

And the situation had even gotten worse. Yes, Rima had frozen while still straddling Nagihiko (who now had a noticeable bulge in his pants) but now they had captured the the attention of all the surrounding people. The hip-hop music pounding throughout the room screeched to a halt (okay not really but it sounds more dramatic that way) and a silence fell over the room.

I carefully set down the chair, hoping they would just ignore that aspect of the scene and just focus on the rimahiko sex scene. Okay well there was no sex, but it was kind of starting to look like something out of a porno.

"Move along nothing to see here!" Utau exclaimed, waving her hands at the crowd to try to shoo them away. And maybe that would have worked it one: she was not a famous pop-star and two: if Kukai didn't choose to pick Rima up at that moment, causing her to scream.

"Let go off me!" she shrieked, flailing back and forth in Kukai's arms. "Put me down!"

"No you'll just assault Nagi!" Kukai yelled back.

"Oh dear," Amu said, resting her head in one of her hands. "When is Rima going to go back to normal?"

"Well... anytime now actually. Most arrows effects are very temporary, and the stronger the strength the shorter they last."

"Oh, well then maybe she'll calm down soon..."

Well... let's just say it took a while for her to fully calm down. Luckily, there was no more hands down pants, but Nagihiko was sporting a very obvious hard one, especially when Rima gave a very detailed description of just what she would do if Nagihiko let her fuck him.

(eventually Kukai and Utau returned to their closet as well).

But once the arrows effects wore off, Rima's face turned just as red as Nagihiko's had been all night.

"Oh my God. I cannot believe I did that," she muttered, slumped over a table, her face buried into the tabletop.

And non doubt the other students would be bothering her about what just happened, but she was sitting in the "haunted chair" and nobody wanted to mess with that. (But yes, tomorrow would be a very bad day for her indeed).

"Oh well... it wasn't too bad..." Nagihiko tried to comfort her, but as she lifted her head and glared at him he knew he was doing no good whatsoever.

"Yeah, well you were probably having a grand time getting felt up by me, but by no means have I ever wanted to do that."

But Nagihiko smirked. "But darling, Cupid told you how the arrows work. You wanted to do all that."

"Shut up!"

"I had no idea you were so hot for me!"

"Be quiet!"

"And you did say you love me..."

"Forget about that! That never happened!"

Nagihiko just smiled. Giving her a peck on the check (earning a groan in response) before patting her head. "I love you too Rima."

Rima buried her face back in the table. "Whatever cross-dresser."

So there you have it. The complete recount of what happened that night... mostly.

And really, what matters most is that Rima and Nagihiko ended up happy together... right?

The end

A/N: I am sorry this sucks. Especially the end OTL I was hurrying trying to finish it before I had to leave for work

Oh and dedicated to Bianca. 3 Thank you for pushing me to write.

Please review! I would greatly appreciate it.


End file.
